Welcome back, friends... friend, to the eighth day of our countdown. Today's book is probably more known for its cover than the actual story inside, but I'm here to shoot you a short synopsis for your reading pleasure. You'll be able to make it through this one in one sitting in the bathroom. Promise.
Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #112
"You Never Make A Sound"
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Mark Beachum
This book starts with a decent amount of character development and plot threading, but we'll skip all that and jump right to the Christmas stuff, okay?
So the main story here revolves around a dirty Santa collecting the names and addresses of children that come to see him. That sounds awful by itself, right?
Well, Santa's using this info to break into these kids' homes and take their stuff. And wouldn't you know he's about to break into the wrong apartment!
"Dirty Santa," as we'll call him, breaks into the apartment of Peter Parker's neighbor, Bambi. She hears a noise and finds ODS (ol' Dirty Santa) in the act and he points a gun at her.
This sets off the spider sense of her friendly neighbor, Spider-Man, who comes in through the window to intervene! Unfortunately, the landlord, who also heard ODS' commotion, gets in Spidey's way, allowing the not-so-jolly turd burglar to get away and to the roof.
BUT once he hits the roof, there's a familiar fellow ready to take things into his own hands: THE REAL SANTA CLAUS! Or, at least, that's what the story alludes to. We only actually see red boots with fur, so it could've been any ol' drag queen.
The next day, Peter gets a message to come to the office and finds the burglar there. He's got the stuff he's stolen, but he's also handing out presents! He confesses to everything and to prove he's turned over a new leaf, he gives Peter a note he was told to deliver. It tells him to call his Aunt and to have merry Christmas! Who else could have give him this advice, but Santa?
In the end, Peter celebrates the holiday with Aunt May, Mary Jane and Aunt Anna! Okay, that's not technically the end. We actually see an unknown couple of people, one wielding a knife, standing outside May's home. You can tell they're there for Peter (or are they?), but decide to do unkind things another day. Okay, the end for real.
Peter David's another one of my favorite writers. Just about everything he does is gold in my book and this story is no different. Beachum's art is really good, BUT he has a thing for women's crotches. Seriously. Almost every woman in this book is drawn spread eagle at some point and the crotch is very much the focal point. It's an odd and unnecessary choice that, to me, takes the focus away from the story. It's like PAD is telling the story I've described above, but Beachum is telling one about women's lady parts. I'd have appreciated that more had I read this when I was thirteen or fourteen. Now, at thirty-two, it's just distracting!
This one's definitely worthy of a back issue bin-dive, for the story or for the crotches. Whatever.
No comments:
Post a Comment